is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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