sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
