i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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