True but thats because hes a fetus.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
