woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
