She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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