So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
