so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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