Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
