i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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