he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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