I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
