the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
