you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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