Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just google imaged poop.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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