i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Someone came in the potted fern
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
