dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
