Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
