my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
