found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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