i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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