my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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