I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
