Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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