So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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