If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
try to milk me bitch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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