I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
