he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's always time for handjobs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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