i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
