I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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