i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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