Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
