So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
