went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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