Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
only if we run a train.
done.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
