i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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