Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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