and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
