I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
