I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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