life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
