The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
