i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
