dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
