That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just pee around me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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