At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
