i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
