When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
