Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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