i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
