Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
