they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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